#292

Once again, I am at a crossroads.

I can hardly believe it’s almost been nine years since I began my career in education. More importantly, it’s been about 10 years since I got my bachelor’s degree! I stumbled upon my career in education by accident. I’d be lying to you if I said this is my dream. I also think that most folks don’t get to live out their dreams, and that’s OK. I did not want to be a person who spent their entire life chasing something that was not going to happen. As I got older, I didn’t even know what my dream was anymore. Still don’t, honestly.

As a 32-year-old woman, who is about to be 33, one thing I’ve learned is that it’s all about who you know in any field, you’re trying to break.

Although education wasn’t my first choice, I will say that it has provided me with a stable job, and I’m super grateful for that. I don’t hate what I do, and I think I’m pretty good at it. That’s really big of me to say because I don’t like to compliment myself and I always see what I’m lacking. I think the people part of the job which is conversing with students has always been an enjoyable part especially because I teach adults now instead of children. Unfortunately, Adult education has a really rough schedule. I have to work split shifts which means I’m there till 7:30AM to 12 PM and then I have to go back at 4:30 PM till about 8:30 PM. In the middle of the day, I taught college writing classes at the local university near me. It’s not consistent, but I take what I can. I also picked up some online writing courses to teach, but again, it’s not consistent. I am at the bottom of the totem in terms of adjunct teaching.

I enjoy the work I do at the university, but to become full-time it’s very challenging. I can’t help but think why do I like everything that is almost impossible? One of the options was to get a PhD and try to find a full-time professor job. The more I researched it, the more I was told that a full-time position in Los Angeles is almost impossible. The jobs are rare and highly competitive and require publishing and once people got those jobs they don’t leave. I get it. I wouldn’t leave either. I’ve always loved universities and college in general. The freedom that college brings forth feels so much bigger than me. I love it. The students are old enough to appreciate education. Although when I was teaching first-year writing to college freshman, it wasn’t always the case, especially with ChatGPT and other AI writing tools being so accessible to the youth. It started to take the fun out of the job, although I could’ve gone as creative as I wanted to. I could have had students watch a movie and write a compare and contrast paper! How cool! Moreover, I’d have to commute to the university, deal with the absurd street parking, teach the class for an hour and 15 minutes, and then leave and head out to the other campus where I teach Adult Ed such as ESL and Academics for high school drop outs. Fall of 2024 was insanely busy for me. I was teaching four writing courses along with my normal workload and serving and running my small business. It was a lot, but I thrive in stressful/ busy schedules.

The split shift is getting to me though. I am starting to think about what is next. I would like to spend my time differently. I have an itch for change. I am tired of sitting in front of a computer for most of the day because I do teach online for the most part. I am tired of the back and forth from one job to the other. Mostly, it would be nice to have the evenings off.

I have spent the last few months weighing my options. PHD is out of the question. So a credential in elementary teaching or English would be a good route. I’d have to go back to school even though I have been a student most of my life and I have almost a decade worth of teaching experience under my belt. I am not happy about it nor do I want to spend the money. Still, I’d be working from 8-3 Monday-Friday with Summers off and paid holidays. It’s not the best pay but the schedule is nice. I’ve taught elementary before and I could do it again. Did I love it? No but I didn’t hate it. It was a job that I could do and I did it well.

My other option is expanding my small coffee cart which I’d love to do. I would love to open up a physical location and expand from there by doing events and just being a pillar in the community. Owning a business is hard work but I don’t mind hard work. I enjoy it. I love laying down at the end of a really productive day and feeling like I deserve to sleep because I have been so productive all day. Still, opening a location has a lot of risks.

-No consistent income. So how am I going to pay my mortgage or my bills?
-Stats show cafes usually fail within the first two years.
-No retirement plan or benefits.
-Dealing with employees can be rough.
-It is EXPENSIVE. I don’t even know if I have the money to do this. I’d have to find the money for it…kind like when you have to find the money to make a film ( random comparison).

So as much as I want to purse this endeavor, I fear that I will fail…like how I have failed at so many other dreams! Ha..jk…no such thing as failure! But, I have a lot to lose and I am scared. It’s crazy because so many of my colleagues are telling me to start thinking about retirement but I am only 32! I can’t even imagine doing this for the next 30 plus years or if I will even be alive. You never know. I always think life is short and nothing is guaranteed, but at the same time, I am a chicken myself. Also, my time might be up as a server because of schedule conflicts. Doors are closing and I am not seeing the path yet.

My biggest fear is not being able to reach my fullest potential. I fear that I will an old woman looking back at an uninteresting life.

So what do I do, friends?,

Cheers,

Frsh