Thank you everyone that has been reading the “Yama” entries. It means so much to me. This is a very personal experience and the fact that you are all reading along helps me keep going. I am not going to lie..there was a moment that I did not want to continue because I one is reading but my best friend sent me a text saying…where is part four of Yama? Thank you Maera. Knowing that you are reading..kept me going. Thank you everyone that has reached out. It is really hard for me emotionally to recall these memories so I thank you again for being here.

IF YOU JUST GOT HERE, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AND ENJOY THE LAST COUPLE OF BLOGS THAT GO ALONG WITH THIS ONE. Again, it is a very personal piece and your time is all I ask for.

Lets continue.

Lets rewind to 12/15/12. This was the day I got the call from my sister that Yama was in the hospital.

We will rewind to a couple of hours before Geeti called me.

My mom, aunt, Geeti, Adres and Mora (my brother, Hasib’s wife) were at Yama’s condo. They were visiting him and trying to convince him to change his life.

You must be wondering…how did he die…well, I have kept it from you on purpose. It shouldn’t matter because he was a person with a family who loved him. So why does it matter how he left this Earth. So if you continue reading, please…be mindful of this.

Yama was 34 years old when he died. He spent the last five years of his life drinking. He became an alcoholic and the last threes years of his life were horrible. He abused himself in so many ways. How much hurt is a person feeling that they resort to so much physical pain to themselves? He has a story and I encourage you to let me keep telling you it.

The last two years of his life..he went to Olive View Medical Center three times. They tied him up and he went into detox for two to three weeks. He was confused and didn’t even know what year it was. My mother sat next to him and watched him suffer.

The last time he went to Olive View to detox..we forced him. He was holding onto anything he could. We got to the hospital and the doctor let him know that he would not be alive if he came back after this.

So after he got out of the hospital, we took him to my grandmother’s house. We did not supply him with a car or money. The entire family would visit him almost every day. It was Ramadan, the month that Muslims fast, and we spent half of it at my grandmother’s house. I would lay next to Yama and he would tell me that his skin was burning. I am assuming because of the no alcohol. In his most weakest moment, he asked me to get him some alcohol…”just a little so that it could stop hurting” he would say.

It kills me to write this right now. I never want to portray my big brother as weak and vulnerable because he was more than his addiction. He was a good person. He was my big brother and he loved me dearly.

So, lets go back to the day he was found in his condo..dead.

Yama let everyone know that he was fine.But, he wasn’t fine. There was blood in his stool and he was not doing okay. His liver was damaged, which causes the brain to be confused. Also, he was low on blood because of his liver which means he needed a blood transfusion. We learned all of this from the last three times he went to the hospital.

Yama told my mom…”Mom..go home and make me some food…I will come over in two hours for dinner. “

Yama lived five mins from my mom’s house. He was such a momma’s boy that he couldn’t be far from her. She couldn’t be far from him either.

Everyone left expect his wife of course.

Yama told Nazira that he was going to take a nap. He asked her to bring him one last drink and he promised that he wouldn’t drink again after this. She brought him a drink but she mixed it with water. She had been doing this for a while so that he could ease off the drinking. It was my grandmother’s idea. No idea if it was a good idea or not. She gave him the drink and went to pray.

Thirty minutes later, she went to check on Yama, when she realized that he was very still, cold and not breathing. Nazira had just come to America from Afghanistan eight months ago. She did not know how to call 911…she didn’t even know what 911 was. She called my mom instead. My mom and Adres got to the house in five mins and Adres was already on the phone with 911. He called the ambulance as soon as Nazira called my mom.

My mom ran over to Yama and tried to wake him up but nothing came of it. 911 was providing CPR instructions to Adres. He put Yama on the floor because he needed a hard surface for CPR. Adres explained that Yama’s body was so heavy and he could barely lift him off the bed. Yama was not over weight. He had lost a lot of weight actually because of his disease. My brother Adres was crying and performing CPR to the best of his abilities but it was no use. My mom was holding Yama, her first born, crying her heart out. The ambulance got their quickly but he was already gone.

They tried CPR and they rushed him to the hospital.

Some how they got his heart beating through their machines. He was breathing through a tube. He was on life support. But, he wasn’t there anymore. His soul had already gone.

This is the first time I have ever written about the moment when my mom and Adres found Yama. It has always been to hard to picture any of this in my head.

How does a mother process finding her son dead? How does a little brother give CPR to his dead big brother? How do you emotionally every get over that? I wasn’t even there and when I think about it…I start crying right then and there. But, I guess God give you strength to face the hardest moments in life.

To be continued


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