It is a blessing to have eyes that can see this beautiful world. After a very long time, I did not post last week’s Wednesday blog. I was too tired emotionally and physically to write; instead, I decided to rest. It was a very stressful week, and my body paid for it. I was due to renew my driver’s license but could not do it online. The DMV wanted me to come in since I have been renewing it online for the last ten years. I had three days off from my first job since my job was striking. #SOLIDARITY

I decided to take advantage and get this taken care of. I went to a Dmv that was explicitly for driver’s license stuff. I didn’t pass my vision test on my left eye, but I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I had forgotten them. Instead of suggesting I get my glasses, the DMV guy told me I needed to get a form filled out by my doctor and then come back. So that’s what I did. I returned the next day, and they informed me that I needed to take a vision driving test that would be forty minutes long. I was scheduled for a driving test the following day. In my mind, I was panicking. What if I didn’t pass? I haven’t taken the driver’s test in thirteen years, and mind you, I failed the first two times. I am a good driver, but a test is nerve-racking. They didn’t give me anything to prepare either. My anxiety was high. What if I didn’t pass? My life would be turned upside down. My entire life is based on driving. I took many baths to calm myself, but it wasn’t working. I was having chest pain and so much anxiety. I tried the methods I knew of to try and calm down, but this was too important for my livelihood.

I got up early on Wednesday and headed to the DMV to get my registration form for my car before my actual test. I went a very lovely girl there. I told her I had to return for my vision driving test and explained that I didn’t have my glasses on for the vision exam. She gave me a vision driver’s test exam and wished me good luck. I came back later for my test. I was ready to get this over with. I spent the morning cramming the vision driving booklet as best as possible. My driving instructor was this nice guy with this quote on his clipboard: “nothing happens by accident….” He didn’t understand why I needed to retake the driving test since I had had this problem since I was a child. Also, I forgot to check in, so he told me, let’s go inside and see if we can avoid this test. He couldn’t get me out of the test because of what my eye doctor wrote on my note, which wasn’t from the doctor initially examining me. He was out of town. He told me I should try to get my eyes examined again because if I didn’t, I would have to take this vision test every time I tried to renew my license. So I walked outside and called the doctor. She said she could reexamine me again, and I would have to pay for it. At this point, I am balling my eyes out. My eye doctor form has me just a little under the requirement, which I am not sure is even accurate since my eye doctor wanted to try something new with my glasses this time, but since I wasn’t in, I couldn’t confirm. So I went to the girl from this morning to ask for a form for my eye doctor. I explained to her what had happened. She took my paperwork and asked her manager if I could retake the exam with my glasses since I never got that opportunity, and she said yes. I retook the vision test and passed with %100 percent accuracy. I couldn’t believe I went through so much stress for three days, and all I needed was to wear my glasses. God bless Elizabeth and Erick, who helped me. Thank God as well.

I started Ramadan last Thursday, the day of my driving test. I spent the weekend in bed recovering from a cold. I still fasted. I didn’t want any food anyways. I think all the stress made me sick. Gosh, what a privilege to be able to drive and to have good physical and mental health.

I don’t feel centered right now, but I am working on returning there. I spent a lot of time reading a good book this past week, it is called the Nightingale. I could feel myself spiraling emotionally, so I took a step back and focused on my book. I read like 250 pages in a matter of a couple days. It was nice just indulging in a good book, and it was historical fiction. I love history. I have watched many movies and shows and want to write a review for them, but honestly, it is hard. As someone who loves to overanalyze life, I struggle with writing reviews. What do you want from a review? Please email me and tell me if you have a good answer.

I would like to add that I honestly felt like God had my back during the whole driver’s license ordeal, but sometimes I have no idea what God is doing. I have had the same dreams for 5 to 10 years, and I am no closer than I was then. I take one step forward and then hurdle back like ten steps. It is frustrating and confusing. I have been praying for peace. I am tired. So tired. I am yearning for some positive change in my life.

Cheers,

Frshta