#291

Dear Readers,

Where have you been? It’s like you have forgotten me? You just disappeared and stopped writing to me…are you okay? Have you been okay? How has the creativity been? How has your health been? How is life going? What is new? How is your corner of the world Frshta?

I am sorry I have been missing. There are so many factors and some I have mentioned before like feeling jaded in my writing. Nothing I did felt interesting enough to write about. I felt bored with my own writing. Moreover, I felt like no one was reading. A lot of folks say that writing should be for you and it is. It is for me or it was for me. But, it doesn’t feel good to write my hopes, dreams and lets be honest my overwhelming sadness with whatever was going on and to feel so inadequate that no one even cared to read it. Insecurity seeped in and I felt this need to stop. Stop feeling so pathetic and crying over my own woes. I told myself…no one cares. I was wrong because I know a few of you do care and have reached out. Thank you. Still, this blog have been around for quite a few years and I wish it had a bigger following.

Truthfully, it hasn’t been all bad. I felt this come back feeling back in 2023. I knew change was coming and I felt this energy like no other. I spent most of 2024 maintaining some of those dreams.

Coffee cart is going strong! It has it’s ups and downs but I am so extremely proud of it. I have met the most interesting folks and I’ve made some cool friends with fellow vendors and customers. Not going to lie though, it is hard work but I love it. I love the creativity that comes with it. I still can’t believe that folks are spending their hard earned money on my drinks. It means the world, truly. I don’t take it for granted. Not even for a minute. I want to expand and that is the next goal. So I am trying my best to save as much capital as I can. Send me grants or anyone who is willing to donate! =p

My teaching jobS have been consuming me. It has its ups and downs like any job. I just wish I had more time for me but its hard.

I finally moved out and live on my own. It was emotional and frightening all at the same time. I felt very depressed at first. I mean who would want to own their own little place that they have been working for? Not me…clearly. LOL I was having a hard time with leaving my childhood home even though I had outgrown the space a long time ago. It was the end of an era. Leaving my family was hard although I only live ten minutes from them. Yes..go ahead…call me a baby. In a lot of ways it was grief and I kept telling myself that it is normal and time will help. I spent some painful nights at my new place missing my my room, my mom and my pets ( had to leave them at my mom’s place). I loved my new home though and I just let the uncomfortable take over and sat with it. Sunday evenings were the hardest. The loneliness seeped in. The silence was hard. I recall questioning my choice and having a very emotional melt down in the kitchen. I just in a corner and sobbed. I sobbed in my bed as well. Luckily, friends checked in and listened and told me to give it time.

Other than my sadness, I was overwhelmed with remodeling. I put in new flooring, laundry, stove, microwave, dishwasher and a complete paint job. Let me tell you something, I knew NOTHING about any of this. Of course the house had little nicks and nacks that needed to be fixed too. It was a learning experience because there was a lot that I didn’t know. Guess what though…? I asked for help when I needed it and I made some mistakes butI got through it. I made it! Even though it was very hard and I still have my moments but it has gotten better. I am proud of myself.

Life is shifting for me. It is constantly shifting like the Earths core. It is an uncertain time for me. Education is being cut and I am not sure if I will have a job next year. I don’t know there is a lot going on and at the same time nothing is going on.

What I am excited for is fixing up my hobby room and prayer room. I don’t know how long it will take because I really can’t spend any more money this year on stuff like that. I’ve spent way to much but at the same time…I am curious to see where I will be headed in my creativity. Honestly, where can I go with my writing? Will the passion come back? Will the flame be lightened again? I don’t know…maybe it won’t lead to anything but I know I want to work towards creating a life that I feel joy in because somedays I don’t feel joy at all..just stagnant. There is no excitement. I also think that excitement and joy are luxuries. But, I am working on it guys. One day at a time…a lot of days I fail but then there are some good days that helps me make sense of it all.

I hope you are all doing well. I’ve missed you.

Cheers to writing my first blog of 2025 and hopefully to many more?

Frsh

P.S. I’ve been watching Sailing with Phoenix. This guy quit his job off eleven years, bought a sail boat and is sailing to Hawaii from Oregon with no experience actually sailing. Check it out?

https://www.youtube.com/@Sailing_With_Phoenix

P.S.S I am to tried to do a spell check or grammar check so my apologies! I could just put it in CHAT GPT but what fun is that? Enjoy the bad grammar. It is real and honest and authentic as fuck.

P.S.S.S Thinking about changing the name for the blog….send suggestions?