I have been around alcoholics or people who like to get drunk but aren’t necessarily alcoholics my entire life.

The older men in the family, which usually consisted of my uncles and my father, would meet up and bbq in the backyard a couple of times a month. They would drink to the point where they would be drunk and occasionally, tempers would be high.

The women would sit inside the house and worry about a fight breaking out. They would avoid going to the backyard because they were afraid that the men would say something inappropriate to them. The whole night would be filled with stress and anxiety.

Every holiday would be the same thing.

Sometimes I would wish that we would never get together, so I didn’t have to have such a miserable holiday or weekend. My parents wouldn’t allow me to stay at home alone, so I had to go. I had no choice and it really sucked.

When I was young, I didn’t notice it as much because I would spend a lot of my time with my cousins. It was a treat to be able to see each other on weekends occasionally. Our parents took turns going to each other’s houses too. We would play tag, nightmare on Fallbrook street (which I made up), all around the world ( which is my own version) and a bunch of other stuff. We would have the time of our lives building forts and getting into a bunch of mischievous things. I miss it.

But, once my cousins, who are all male, hit puberty, things changed. Tag wasn’t fun anymore. They all played basketball and I couldn’t play because I was a girl. Honestly, I had no interest. I was never any good and they were way to rough. Our conversations even changed. They all went to the same high school and I didn’t. Honestly, I am pretty happy about that. It was for the best. I think I would have been a different person.

Anyways, when we hit the teenage years, I realized how boring it was to have to sit inside with the women, who worry about the men, who are having the time of their lives in the backyard. I hated it with a passion. I hated the type of women I was sitting with. Why would you ruin your time over men who clearly don’t care about what you want?

Even when had family occasions like weddings…alcohol was a problem. There would be bottles being popped in the parking lot in trunks. By the end of the night, there was always some type of disaster. And of course, they all deny it the next day or they weddings are for partying. So they ruin someone else’s big day for their own selfish needs.

This stuff still happens today and I am twenty-six years old.

Alcohol has always been a cursed part of my existence.


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