I have been working hard at organizing my writing. The blog has been this great blessing but giant pain the butt. I have writing all over the place. I have it here, the blog. I have several half used journals, I have my laptop and now my tablet. I want to compile everything and make it make sense. Maybe I can finally write my story and the novel I have been itching to write. I am trying to keep myself motivated, focused and disciplined. I have the material but it is all over the place. I need to rewrite and compile it all together. Then what? Who will publish me? My plan is to reach out to publishers. Try and figure out how to get an agent? How does that even work? I keep thinking if I am even good enough. What if I am not? Self Publish? Will anyone read it? This stuff haunts me.

I am older now than when I first started this blog. When I read my entries, it reminds me of my past. Things I have forgotten because I am on my present day life. Sometimes it is good to forget though because I want to live in the present. At the same time, I want write it all out so I can get it out of my system.

This is a big project and I know I have to show myself grace but if I can just get everything organized then it would be a huge help. If I could get everything written out. I will not worry about making it perfect. The point is to have a rough first draft.

I need to energize my creativity somehow. Keep it going because the mundane daily tasks makes me lose inspiration. I stare at the screen for hours not knowing what to write. I can’t focus but sometimes it comes through and I can get it done. I think the problem is that I am so distracted with my daily life. I have a hard time locking in.

Also, two new movies came out this month. Both two twenty year olds making their director debut and breaking records. I am happy for them but disappointed in myself. I still haven’t made it happen. I can’t blame anyone but myself truly. However, once I do start creating then I can blame my lack of privilege in this world but man I am tired of that identity and I am in this spirit of I don’t need your privilege because I will make it happen on my own. I can count on myself. I can do this.

Who am I? 34th first this Friday. God let this energy guide me as I deep dive into these projects!

Oh side note: I am painting again! I am working on a series. I want to get it into a gallery!

Right now? What is stopping me? TIME!!! I need more time!

Life is good though. Thank God.

Xoxo

Frsh