Hello everyone,

It is finally 2021. One of the trends of 2020 was saying how horrible 2020 years and how excited we are for it to end. I always found that very unusual because it’s not like our problems are going to go away magically once the clock hits 2021. Life doesn’t have a reset button.

2020 was definitely an unusual year Full of catastrophes, surprises and things we never experienced before. We learn to slow down and we learn to wash your hands more often. Our local business is shut down and a lot of us lost our jobs. Even if we kept our jobs it still looks completely different than what we are used to. Many jobs started becoming remote and essential jobs had a new list of health procedures that needed to be followed in order to keep the public safe and yourself. We had to get used to the face mass and for some of us the shield. When I first started the world seemed dark and miserable. Slowly, we started to adjust to this new lifestyle. It did take a while and many were scared that they would run out of food and toilet paper specifically. The lines at the grocery stores we’re very long and Instacart helped people survive.

A culture that is so used to showing affection by hugging each other and shaking hands has now turned into people being scared of each other. One of the common phrases I kept hearing was please don’t come to close to me.

Then there were folks that do not believe in the pandemic and thought it was all a lie. They walked around without a mask and laughed at those that were scared. They joke that the pandemic would magically disappear after the election and that this was all a scam. It was bigger than what the public thought it was. At the same time ICUs are seeing record high patients and deaths are increasing because of COVID around the world.

The election was what we all thought it was going to be. It was a complete catastrophe between candidates who did not respect each other. Nonetheless Trump lost and Biden will be our next president.

Interest rates all right a record low and homes are being purchased at record speed. Yet, prices have gone up tremendously.

There are those that are profiting off the pandemic yet that wasn’t the case for everyone.

Children started to go to school online and it was a learning curve for the teachers and the children. We all did our best given these unpredictable situations.

Personally, it was a different type of year for me. It all feels like a blur right now. I remember creating my yearly bucket list of goals and things I wanted to do. I remember Kobe Bryant dying. I remember talks about a dangerous virus. Parents and staff started panicking at schools. Shortly after school started shutting down. Then restaurants started shutting down for dining services. Then gyms shut down.

Everything was taken away so quickly for me and it was a scary two weeks. I don’t do well with extra time on my hands. I’ve always been a person that works well whenever I have a lot of things going on.

At one point I was at the highest weight I’ve ever been. The scales was at 174. My life was turned upside down overnight.

You always say if I had extra time I would do all of these things that I never had the time to do. But once I had that extra time I froze and it might’ve been because I was worried about my future. How can I focus on passion projects when I don’t know where I’m going to be in a couple of months. I remember my body feeling really achy at one point and it might’ve been from all the stress. I tend to over analyze in general therefore everything going on was not helping my mind. I started working again which was a blessing. Soon after the riots started and buildings were burned down right down the street from my home.

It was like one event after another.

In the midst of all of this I was dealing with my own family life. I’m sure some of you can relate. I was concerned about my elderly parents who have underlying diseases which can cause them to die ( God forbid) from COVID-19. I had another one of my brothers dealing with mental health and addiction. Of course I had to deal with my self too.

Again when you spend a lot of time doing nothing your demons start coming out and taunting you for things that happened in the past and that don’t really matter anymore. Yet they do matter because if you don’t correct yourself you’re going to keep making the same mistakes.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt but I think this was the year where I just had enough. I am a good person and I have a good heart and I care about those people that are special in my life. I always have positive intentions and if someone doesn’t appreciate me respect respect me then something needs to change. I noticed that I tend to fall into the same patterns with different people. Friendships have always been an issue with me. I think the problem is I get too close and then it’s too hard to walk away. I’m not sure what happened but during the summer I just didn’t wanna have anything to do with anyone anymore. I stopped going to my outdoor workouts with my personal trainer and I stopped keeping contact with friends. I was so tired of feeling like crap every single day because of what other people thought of me or what other people thought I was doing. I was mentally exhausted and I just couldn’t do it anymore. Especially with the stress of my brothers health and other personal things going on within my family. That’s the sad part about humans we never tried to consider what’s going on in other peoples lives. We just like to run our mouths and we don’t care how it affects other people. I see this constantly because I work in customer service. A customer gets the wrong food or and employee forgets to add complementary bread to their order and it’s the end of the world. But is it really that serious?

As grateful as I was that I have a job, it was one of the hardest years for me working at the restaurant. I was isolated from customers and we had visit order to just packaging of food and taking it out to their cars. I thrive off of people and I love serving but I felt isolated. The worst part was the coworkers I had now were complete assholes. They taunted me for being a woman, for my religion, for my personality and so on. I went to work every day forcing myself and feeling horrible the whole time I was there. Management try to address the situation but you know how that goesManagement try to address the situation but you know how that goes

One thought on “#165 2020

  1. Love you Frshta 💕 Life throws us all these crazy curve balls for sure and mentally can be exhausting. I have no advice just know there is always another day to meditate and let the thoughts go even as they come, and they will. Breathe 🧘‍♀️

    Sent from my iPhone

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