Sometimes I wish I was as pretty as my photos. Most of the time, I feel ugly. I’m glad I have a mask on to hide my chubby cheeks. I wish I could loose weight easily but I love food.
My soul is searching.
I feel it every day.
It is searching for the light that lightens up her day.
I miss deep conversations and spontaneous adventures.
A hike up to the Hollywood sign made me feel closer to God. The green scenery brought me so much peace.
A nice long walk to try a new type of desert was enlightening.
Playing some Super Mario Bros helped lighten my mind.
Trying a brand new cafe for dinner! It was so beautiful.
Having breakfast at a new cafe with one of my oldest and dearest friends brought me happiness.
Simply, trying a new coffee shop to start planning my college class gave me so much.
What joy it brought me to sit at a local coffee house on Ventura Blvd watching the street lights glimmer on as it started getting dark.
Headlights beaming in the night sky. I pulled out my writing device aka my laptop and I started plugging away. The amount of focus I had was unbelievable.
I yearn to just live in the moment and smile at joyous moments. I yearn to forget about my overbearing thoughts and embrace the feelings around me.
I finally watched Last Night in SOHO even though I was reluctant to. I just kept hearing so much buzz about this film even though the trailer didn’t intrigue me. I was like “No I don’t want to watch it.” Boy am I glad I ended up watching it. The film was mesmerizing. It wasn’t even the story that captured me. It was the beauty of the cinematography. The color of the outfits. The remarkable lighting. The blinding of the neon lights. The beauty of both of the lead actresses. I was mesmerized by how it made me feel. It made me miss clothes and beauty. It made me want to put on my best dress every single day just to walk down the street. Even though the film was a horror film, it did so much more for me than just scare me. It moved me. It captured how I have been feeling lately but through lightning and costumes.
Today was not the best day but it wasn’t the worst day either and I am grateful for that. Students were loud and wouldn’t stop complaining. It was cold and windy. At the restaurant, it was slow and depressing. It has been so dreadfully boring at the restaurant because of how slow it has been. I just kept trying to lift my spirits all day.
I was talking about an old friend during the weekend who I hadn’t thought about in so long. I wondered if he was alive and healthy because he was dealing with so much mental health issues back in the day. It was Monday night, and that old walked into the restaurant I work at. I was shocked. I hadn’t seen him in ten years. He remembered me and my name. He said he lives in New York now but he came back to LA to visit friends and family. He was having dinner with some friends. I couldn’t believe that he was right in front of me after I just spoke about him on Friday night. It was a bit awkward and strange but I was happy to see that he’s doing better.