There are only so many heartbeats a person feels in a lifetime. -Pen15

This week I wanted to write about the show Friends. I watched the entire show for the first time ever. It took a couple of months and lots of convincing. I was very much against watching the show. I had seen a couple of episodes and it just seemed like it didn’t represent the world today. There was a lack of diversity and it just didn’t capture me. Still, all my people rave about how great the show was.

I finally decided to watch the series. I liked the show but it wasn’t amazing. I liked what it represented. A group of friends who love each other unconditionally. I thought that was beautiful. I want friends like that too. I will say that I was utterly exhausted by the Ross and Rachel drama. Are they on or are they off? Oh my God like how much can a show tease the same relationship over and over again. I did enjoy the different personalities and I couldn’t help but try to figure out who I was most like. I thought I was a bit of all three of the ladies. I am controlling, competitive, a host like Monica. I am strange and spiritual like Pheobe and I am a bit slow like Rachel. Joey was lovable and I found him funny. I loved how much he loved Hugsy. Overall it was a good show. I don’t understand the hype over the show but maybe it touched the right people’s hearts at the right time? Oh, and I loved the outfits!

On another note, the principal at the school I sub at called me over to her office. She wants me to become a full-time teacher and earn the credentials that the district is offering. I told her I’d look into it and think about it. As I walked back to my classroom, my eyes watered. I was considering it. I couldn’t believe I was actually considering it. In the past, it was always no way. How could I be considering it? I thought about my life and how I have always been a lost fish. I have been trying to find a way for so long whether it was in the film industry or in business. I was considering changing my blog’s name to the lost fish. Teaching would give me a route to take. I would know exactly what to do. If I want to earn more money there is a road map for it. If I want to join administration then I just have to teach for five years then move up. Principals make great money and I have always loved leading. I was telling my brother about all of this and he was encouraging me. He said I am a natural leader, which was nice to hear. It would be nice not to be so lost anymore and to know exactly where I am going. At the same time, it feels like I am giving up on my dream. What is my dream though? I don’t even know anymore. Gosh though, the thought of not struggling anymore about my path sounds nice yet it sounds cowardly. I never wanted to be an elementary school teacher. I wanted to teach a couple of classes at a college and work on creative projects. No doors opened in that world. These doors are opening in education instead and it feels like maybe this is what God wants me to do. It just hurts. I feel hurt and disappointed in myself and God. I feel guilty for thinking that but I must be honest. So what should I do? Take the job but still work on my supposed passions? The worst part is that I am frustrated with myself for not figuring it out. What should I do?



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