Seeing my blog get views from different countries, such as Germany, is fantastic! Thank you for being here and for making me feel so special.


I wrote an entire Wednesday blog on the topic of “what can I do less of,” but I decided against posting it. It sounded bitter, negative, and repetitive. I want to move toward more positivity. I might rewrite it later but with a more positive approach. Instead, I choose to write about vulnerability.


A random video popped up on my social media feed about the importance of vulnerability. The video encourages people to be vulnerable because life is too short not to be. I felt personally attacked by this video. I wanted to yell at the video. Do you know how often vulnerability has caused me more sorrow than happiness? I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I changed. I had to change because I fell on my face whenever I was vulnerable. I learned to watch what I say around people, especially those close to me. That sounds odd. I should be able to be my authentic self around my family and friends. That isn’t the case for me. Around my family, I have always had boundaries about what I share, but on specific topics, I am very open with them, like women’s rights or animal rights. I would rather not waste my energy on other issues because it doesn’t make a difference. My friends are supposed to be my chosen, but I have been burned so many times by friends. When I was a little girl, my dad always told me that family is everything and friends are a waste of time. I spent so much of my life rejecting this belief.


I loved my friends very much, but now as a 30-year-old woman with some life experience, I can see where my dad was coming from. I have given my heart to my friends, and it has always been returned broken. Why? Was it me? Maybe. I blamed myself for a long time, but at some point, I realized I was not the problem. People suck, and not everyone deserves my unconditional love. So, I closed myself off and only allowed parts of myself to be vulnerable. Just because I chose them as my chosen family doesn’t mean they need to feel the same way.


My point is, without getting into some long and winding tangent about my friends, or not appreciating my vulnerability, I don’t trust anybody with my vulnerability anymore. I agree with the video; vulnerability is such a beautiful thing. It brings you to your most genuine and authentic self, which is what we should all strive for to live a happy and healthy life. My biggest fear of being vulnerable is getting hurt or being misunderstood. I also feel like I might be represented as weak. Also, it can hurt when the person you’re being vulnerable with chooses not to be with you. I would start questioning if it was a good idea to share my vulnerability with someone who doesn’t trust me with their feelings. Sadly, I have to overthink something so simple as vulnerability. I feel safer keeping things to myself. I think they’re only some things that need to be said to keep the peace. I pick and choose my battles, right? When I feel safe with the person, then I will be able to be 100% vulnerable, but usually, that is not the case.


I am still trying to figure this out. How much is too much? Most folks don’t want to show vulnerability simply because it is private or others don’t care.


For example, in L.A., at the grocery store, the clerks are trained to ask how you are doing today, and the customer usually responds with, “I am good, thanks. How are you?” The straightforward response with some cookie-cutter response. Everyone knows that the clerk doesn’t want to see how you are doing; they are just doing their customer service duties. So why ask if you can’t tell the truth about your feelings? We have become so robotic that no real feelings are usually shared unless its someone we can “open up to.”
I was at a drive-thru for Starbucks during the Summer. My fish had just passed away. The drive-thru guy looked at me while waiting for my cold pumpkin brew. I had been crying all morning. He asked if I was okay because I looked really sad, and at first, I said I was fine, but he asked if I was sure. I started to open up about the passing of my fish and how sad I was because I felt responsible. He opened up about his dog passing away. It was beautiful and vulnerable. Two strangers are sharing their grief. He didn’t even know me, but we connected as humans. All humans are connected through DNA. Our minds are all connected. Ever feel like you have known someone forever? Or when you think of someone you haven’t seen in a while, and then you happen to see them? Connected. The mind is powerful.


I researched vulnerability and found this Ted Talk by Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability. She talks about how shame is connected to vulnerability but to connect; one must be vulnerable.


Here’s what I am going to work towards. I want to have a balanced vulnerability with humans. I want to feel connected to my family, friends, readers (YOU), students, customers, and God. It is the best feeling to let walls topple down and be your true authentic self. Vulnerability doesn’t mean being emotionally trying or unstable. It is to have the courage to connect and have compassion for others. I want to be, and that should be enough. Vulnerability is beautiful, and the more I do it, the healthier it will be. There is so much I want to say about this. Why does therapy work? Because one can share their true authentic self without judgment. If we all practiced vulnerability, it would lead to a happier world, and life situations won’t feel as heavy. It shouldn’t be taboo to be emotionally too happy or too sad, and let me tell you. I have been told that I was too happy and too sad at one point in my life. It made me close off, but not anymore. Every day I plan on practicing vulnerability. Even writing my blogs, I have had highly vulnerable moments, and it was scary writing and posting them, but it has also been healing. I think my vulnerability is foreign to most because most people spend all their time hiding from their vulnerability.

What do you think?

Cheers to vulnerability,

Frshta

One thought on “#263 what do you think of vulnerability?

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