I will be posting my review tomorrow.

Today I am writing a special blog in memory of my brother Yama. It is the 10th anniversary since he passed away. I have written about the experience of his passing and various childhood memories that have stayed with me. Today I want to share a quick memory about my big brother, Yama.

This memory was jogged into my mind just a couple of weeks ago. My best friend talked about going to a midnight movie premiere and how he was so excited for us to go someday. I can’t go now because of my living situation. I told him I’d been to a midnight movie premiere just once before.

My brother had taken me to the midnight premiere of one of the Harry Potter films. When I was younger, I was a huge Harry Potter dork. I reread the books every summer, or when a new one is released, I like to have the stories fresh in my mind to understand the latest book.

My parents never took me to the movies because they had no idea how the film worked here or the language spoken. Quite frankly, we didn’t have the money for it either. So, my brother, Yama, would take me until my sister was old enough to drive and take us.

I remember the night Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix premiered. I was already in bed when my brother showed up in my room telling me to get dressed. I said for what? And he said we’re going to watch the new Harry Potter movie! I said, but it’s late. He didn’t care what I had to say. Instead, he told me to put my clothes on and let’s go. None of my other siblings joined, so it was just him and me. He wasn’t a Harry Potter fan, but he would go because of me. The movie finished at 3 AM, and I remember looking next to me and finding my brother asleep with his jacket over his face, lol. I was tired too, but it is a great memory.

I miss my brother dearly. I miss our adventures together. I miss our conversations about the seven wonders of the world. I miss watching movies together. I miss our bond over loving animals. I miss how much he made me feel loved every single moment of my life. I felt protected. I felt proud to be his little sister.

On my brother’s death anniversary, I want to think about all the good memories I had with him, but my mind keeps straying to that dreadful day when he passed away. Yesterday, I remembered getting the call that my brother was in the hospital on life support. I remembered where I was and the In n Out burger I was about to eat for my lunch. I remembered driving to the hospital and the different weather patterns. I remember seeing my brother’s inflated yet lifeless body. I remember my brother, Adres, telling me about how he tried to give him CPR until the ambulance came.

I will stop myself because there is no point in reliving the grief. I can already feel my body tense up. Grief is hard. It never goes away. It can turn on like a light switch. The good news is I can still remember the sound of his voice.

I must have faith that he is doing fine and is in a better place than in this turmoil world. I also want to encourage anyone suffering from sadness, depression, addiction, heartbreak, and so on to seek help. Please don’t turn to an unhealthy coping mechanism because it is only a temporary fix that might lead to more significant problems. My brother wasn’t always an alcoholic. He had a life, a family, a career, dreams, and so on. Something led to his addiction to alcohol, and before he knew it himself, he couldn’t control it. As the oldest and as a male, I am sure it was hard for him to express his feelings. So, please, help is out there. You got this.

Thank you for reading about my brother and my grief. I know no one wants a debbie downer during the holiday, but this is my truth and my reality. Thanks for being here for it.

Cheers to my brother, Yama. May he rest in peace,


P.S. The full story of my brother Yama.


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