My spirit was challenged this weekend. It was a very chaotic weekend. There was so much chaos in my home, and it was fogging up my mind. I want to learn to be at peace even amongst the chaos because this past weekend, I let my mind indulge in it, which was not healthy. It affected me in many different ways that were not enjoyable. I was around a lot of people this weekend, friends and family, and it felt like my spirit was being tugged emotionally. I felt myself tip-toeing to my unhealthy obsessive thoughts. I kept pulling myself back even though the thoughts were slowing into my brain and taking over. It took a toll on my energy, and I felt utterly drained. Nothing horrible happened, but it was just an emotionally tiring weekend. I will say that I was searching for peace in my thoughts. I will say that I had a little epiphany. Why am I concerned about what others think of me? This is such an overstated question, yet it is the first time I have thought about it. I asked myself this question yesterday after feeling insecure about so many things. Where is your self-confidence, Frshta? Where? Why do you let others take over your peace?

Last week, I felt so beautiful, and I thanked God for my unique beauty. This week, I am binge eating, feeling bad about it, and so ugly. What happened? I let someone else opinion take over when only my opinion counts. I realize that I need to practice self-love every day. I need to not take others’ opinions so harshly. Everyone will always have an opinion, and I have nothing to prove to anyone. Every day I choose to make myself proud of who I am. At the end of the day, I will have peace knowing that I try to be a good person in every way.

Do you struggle with any kind of stuff like this? How do you cope?

I want to highlight some good from this past weekend.

*I celebrated my mom’s birthday. Thank you, God, for giving my mom another year of life. We walked on the beach and had a relaxing breakfast.
*My best friend made delicious homemade carne asada. What a treat. A beautiful family dinner, along with some video games where I beat everyone.
*I checked out a fantastic new restaurant in Los Feliz with my best friends.
*I started discussing a new movie idea with the potential star of the short film. AHHH!!! It has been so long. I feel like something will stop me but at the same time..I feel unstoppable.
*I watched an Oscar-nominated film.
*I watched Om Shanti Om.

I already feel so much better just by making that list. Wow..it feels incredible. Let’s keep going.

Things I love about myself.
*I love my hair, especially the color and its texture. It is one of my favorite parts about me.
*I love the way I love. I am passionate and genuine, and I have an old-school type of mentality when it comes to love. Not just romantically but in every aspect.

Those are the only things that came to mind… lol…. I still need to work on personal self-love.

Every day we get consumed by our busy lives that we forget what’s essential in this world. Long-term goals are great, but short-term goals are just as important. The Japanese strongly believe ikigai, which means our everyday purpose. I want to challenge you to answer these four questions each day. My goal is to find peace and happiness through the ups and down in life. This is a challenge each day, but with the grace of God, I am mindful of this. Every day I work on myself mentally and physically. I challenge you to do the same.

What did you do for yourself today?

What did you do for God today?

What did you do for someone else today?

What did you do for the world today?

A prayer:
God, thank you for the beautiful warm sunshine today. It warms up my aching body and my aching soul. What a gift we have to be able to appreciate the sun. God, I ask for help to live in the moment and reach peace every day. Not just every single day but every single moment. God, I am excited about what you have in store for me, and I am happy about releasing the binding ropes of control I had for myself. I let go of God. It is the best feeling. It feels like floating in a body of water and immersed in God’s power. It feels freeing. Thank you for blessing me with this gift, and God, please help me continue to honor this gift. I am a work in progress. I have been so excited about the directions you have bestowed on me that I have been scared of jinxing myself. I am going to change this mindset. Jinxing only has power if I allow it to have power over me. Thank you, God. I love you.

Cheers,

Frshta