Good Evening,

First, thank you everyone for being here and reading my blog. As an amateur writer, having readers is an amazing feeling. I thank you again and it really doesn’t seem like enough just to say thank you. It truly means so much.

I have rewritten this blog three times. Last Friday, this week’s blog was going to be about how compliments make me feel. Today, I decided to rewrite it again and talk about this influencer that I follow. She is all about side hustles. Right now, at this very moment, I come to you with a pondering mind.

Rewrite # 3

It was very cold today and I wore my Optimus Prime dress to school because it was superhero day. It was a bad idea because temperatures dropped throughout the day. I was freezing but I loved being a transformer. I have been extremely tired this week. I have been waking up late for work and I have been feeling unusually sleepy. I think the cold weather isn’t helping.

All week, there has been speculation about Russia invading Ukraine. Tonight, as I sat in the bath tub trying to relax, I saw a news article about Russia launching military action in Ukraine. At first, I didn’t really react. I just took it on. My best friend gifted me a sweater bath bomb. I don’t usually take baths but I wanted to do a little self-care tonight. It was really fun watching the bath bomb slowly disperse. Now, I am sitting in my pajamas with my right leg aching and I think about the innocent people of Ukraine. My mind wanders off to a time when Russia invaded my parent’s homeland, Afghanistan. I wonder what it felt like for my parent to flee the only country they ever knew.

My mind wanders to my own family. It is so difficult for my own family to get along and most of the time there is a cold war happening. How do I expect countries to get along when my own family can’t? Countries are way more complicated. Is the trajectory of the world already set? Einstein said, “I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” My father always shares this quote with my siblings and me.

My legs ache. The heated blanket against my aching legs feels nice. Marshmallow, my angel of a cat, lays on the top of the blanket that covers my legs.

Rewrite #2

Recently, I have been following a woman named Sharon Tseung. I don’t know much about her but I enjoy watching her inspiring videos on how to become financially independent through different side hustles. I read an article about how she graduated college from UC Berkley at 21. She started working her 9 to 5 job and wasn’t enjoying it. She was only making about 30K a year. She lived with her parents until she was twenty-seven and saved every penny. She invested in many different side hustles too. Her main focuses are side hustles and real estate.

Interestingly enough, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Sharon’s page. Is she just another influencer or is she really trying to help others become financially independent so they can live their best lives?

I do have some things in common with Sharon like living with my parents to save money. Also, I definitely understand not wanting to work a 9 to 5 job. I understand that might just be the way of life for most. Occasionally, I wonder if I should just join corporate America and make some decent money but my soul won’t allow me. There are bigger things than money. I am not interested in chasing money. I am interested in helping the world in different ways. I enjoy being an educator even though I don’t make six figures. I don’t need a six-figure to live a fulfilling life. However, I do wish I had more time to better myself and work on different projects. I make the most out of my days but it doesn’t feel like enough time. I want to write more. It feels right. I am trying to squeeze in more writing and planning for my business but I feel incapable sometimes. Running a business sounds exciting and fulfilling and I still want to be a part of education as a college professor. I am not sure what to do next though. I need to search for a location but I can’t seem to find one that works. It has to check all the checkmarks off. Lately, I have been hearing so many folks around me wanting to open a similar business like mine and at first, it intimated me. Why was everyone stealing my idea was my first thought. Joanna Teresa Heart told me that there is room for everyone and that feels right so I am trying to change my perspective on this. I feel so much better about it. I just want more time to do what I want to do and not worry about money. I wonder if I had the opportunity and support if I could make a really moving film. If I could just focus and not be so dissipated but that’s life my life. I am not one that can choose not to work and that’s okay. I just have to figure it out and I am grateful for the journey.

Blurry face

Rewrite # 1

“You are really pretty.”

I instinctively smile.

Compliments are gold.

I am grateful for any compliments that come my way.

I try to pass them along too.

Especially to other women.

I love complimenting others but only when I mean it.

I am definitely not Regina George, who compliments others but is actually making fun of the other person.

Compliments make me feel good so why not make others feel good?

It really perturbed me when people decide to hate on others instead of telling them how awesome they are.

I think it happens amongst women all the time.

When I feel that energy from other women, I take myself out of the equation by complimenting something I like about them. I hate jealousy amongst my fellow women. I always make a point to mention that we should have each other’s back. My favorite line that I like to use is “Us ladies have to stick together.” Sometimes it’s inevitable to feel jealous of others and I don’t want to use the term envious because it has this negative connotation to it. I think it’s all perspective though. For me, it’s admiration and someone might choose to take it in another way well, that’s not my problem. I speak my truth. I speak the truth of my soul. It gives me peace.

At school, some of my colleagues have been kind enough to mention that they think I am pretty. It’s nice to hear and to be called pretty but even as I write this…my eyes water.

I don’t feel pretty. I have my days where I feel good about myself but there are days…I look at the mirror and I see a small double chin that drives me nuts. I see the dark circles under my eyes and my prominent forehead wrinkles. My chin sticks out too much and I have a thick neck. I feel so ugly.

The iPhone makes me look so beautiful and flawless. I love this and hate it because I don’t look like my photos. I never have. I am actually quite photogenic. From a young age, I learned what my good angles were. I use to take way more photos than I do now. I really enjoyed it. I still do.

I wish I felt the way folks perceived me but I think this is slowly changing. I think for so long, I would put myself down but now I try to find the beauty in myself.

I use to love the song I feel pretty/unpretty. I loved the Glee version. I really resonated with its lyrics. I have never been a make-up girl but feeling unpretty was definitely a common feeling. I think I was considered ugly for a long time in school. To my family, I was this beautiful doll when I was a baby but I went through this unusual phase that I cherish. My family always asked why I want cute anymore.

Like a lot of things in my life, I usually underestimated myself. I never realized how much that word represents me until a customer said it about me. Usually, at the restaurant, customers think that being a server is my only job. When we start to get to know each other and the guests become regulars, they ask about my life, which is normal. I ask them about their lives. They are usually surprised by the life I have lived so far. I remember telling one guest and probably the only guest I have ever said this too, that usually, guests don’t think much of me. They usually think I am just a server. She looked at me and said, “it’s okay.. it’s better when people underestimate you..” She didn’t have to finish her thought. I understood. “Shock them all baby” is what mustered in my own head. I think I have underestimated my own beauty too. I feel like I can wow a room but that feeling dies down after a while. I am working on my self-confidence though.

I want to write more but I think that should be it for tonight.

Thank You & Good Night.

Love,

Frshta

One thought on “#224 rewrites

  1. I’m just catching up on the blog. It’s interesting to hear what you have to say because you speak for many I think, you just aren’t afraid to say it. That can be empowering for everyone.
    💕

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s